NiallOK’s Blog

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On a boards.ie thread, the question was posed: “if you could ‘off’ (kill) three people, who would they be?”

Why oh why did I go for the obvious ones…? … (They being Ian Paisley, Queen Elizabeth II and George W. Bush).

My explanation for Paisley was..: “No one man has done more to stand in the way of peace, democracy and unity on this island. “Reverend” me hole. One of the most ignorant, bigoted and self-centred bastards it has ever been my severe displeasure to be aware of the existence of.” I stand by that. Mind you, the man still manages to surprise me by regularly plumbing further the depths of his ignorance and bigotry and repeatedly further displaying his utter incompetence at being a regular, compassionate and upstanding human being.

As for the Queen, I said that it was “nothing personal,- I just think it would be a massive event - and an interesting one to be alive for - if she were to be assassinated (and not replaced). Everyone would know where they were *THAT* day!”. It’d be one of those things, wouldn’t it? Where were you on 9/11? Where were you the day Diana died? Where were you when Whelan scored for Ireland against Italy in Giants Stadium, NY? Where were you when the bombs went off in London? Where were you when the Queen was killed? … Hell, yeah.

And when it comes to President Bush, while my “reasons may be obvious, unlike many people I know, I actually don’t believe that the American people do deserve to have this unfortunate cretinous bottom-of-the-gene-pool chimp-like waste of DNA of a creature as their supreme leader… plus again, it would be an interesting event to be alive for - the assassination of an American ‘president’.” It’d be our JFK. Hopefully it’d be as controversial too. Although… Feckarse! The FBI are probably keeping an eye on this site now for further updates on my Bush assassination “plans”… Hello agents. Please look here first. Thanks.

(Jesus, I really shouldn’t have put “American”, “President”, “Bush” and “assassination” so close together in a page on the Internet.)

(…Actually, thinking about that, I shouldn’t have put the words “President” and “Bush” next to each other,… anywhere.)

I could have given my reply more thought though. I could have, as Repli did, mentioned Dr. Rihab Taha (a.k.a. Dr. Germ), who is one of the most dangerous people alive, what with her fine collection of “19,000 litres of botulism toxin; 8,000 litres of anthrax; 2,000 litres of aflatoxins, which can cause liver cancer; clostridium perfringens, a bacterium that can cause gas gangrene; and ricin, a castor bean derivative which can kill by impeding circulation. She also admitted conducting research into cholera, salmonella, foot and mouth disease, and camel pox, a disease that uses the same growth techniqes as smallpox”. I could have given an honourary deathwish mention to a certain unnamed shithead lorry driver, who’s drunken motoring directly caused the death of my girlfriend on an English motorway, just over 11 years ago.

I could even have wished a swift life ending administering of a mighty boot to the “bollix” region of Mr. Osama Bin Laden or Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and his associates for their various crimes against humanity, a spine-crushingly deathbringing walloping with an anvil to the body of most of the Big Brother UK contestants (especially Maxwell and Saskia from this year’s ‘event’ and Jade Goody), along with, of course, the shows creators, for their crimes against entertainment, or a skull-shatteringly corpse-creating vice-job on the head of Paris Hilton … - for basically being a twat… but no, I chose the obvious targets of Paisley, the Queen, and Bush. What’s up with that? Where’s the creativity? Bah!!!

If I had to whittle it down to one though…

Ian Paisley.

Although, mind you, at least he does provide us with the odd laugh

…”Rarr Rarr Rar!… No! No! No!… Rarr!”

Disclaimer: The above, while being all in good fun, is just that - fun. I’ve no intention or desire to kill anyone, much less the three named above. Look up sarcasm, if you must.