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Look, people… stop being afraid to say what you’re thinking, … what you really feel!
When she asks you “does my bum look big in this?”, don’t be afraid to say “yes, but that’s because you’ve got a big arse, love;- it’d look big in anything, you know?” (and possibly tack on “of course, you know I like it that way…”)
When she asks “do you like my new haircut?”, don’t be afraid to say “no, it makes you look like a lesbian. I used to think that lesbians were hot, but you just arsed that one up for me, didn’t you? Nice one, thanks! … Oh, I’m being sarcastic by the way. Had to tell you that, as girls don’t recognise sarcasm. Y’know,… just like Americans”.
And if she ENDLESSLY asks you about turning that engagement into a marriage, when the debts are going to be cleared, when you’re going to “make good on that commitment”, because Christ she’s been waiting forever - starting about a week after you put the fucking ring on her finger, … then run… run now and run very fast.
That’s all the advice my drink-addled mind can currently give. Why I feel the need to give advice right now, I don’t know. And by the way - DO, please note that my advice right now is probably worth precisely fuck-all 
I’d kill for a pack of cigarettes. I’d do bad stuff for just one.
Ain’t gonna happen though!
![Brass Eye - Series And Special [1997]](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51RF7DA92BL._SL160_.jpg)
2 Responses to “Don’t be afraid”
How’s the head? There should be a blood alcohol check when blogging late at night at the weekend ..
I’m not sure if I’d be entirely supportive of the idea of a tube that you blow into on your computer which results in it saying “feck off, you’re too drunk to go on the Intarwebs!”, but it’s an interesting idea…